We Ain’t Got Rhythm

Well this won’t be news to anyone stalking me on facebook & as well as reading this blog, but on Sunday night I went to St.Mike’s to participate in a Sleep Study.
Wired For Dreams

What instigated this wired-night was a fairly recent diagnosis of for both my parents, and thus the subject of the post. Mom’s arrhythmia is so exciting in fact that she’s gone to the hospital a couple of times for resyncing. Which is less like syncing your palm and more like boosting your car.

While it’s fascinating that you can use to get the lobes of your heart resynced, I have to say it’s not something I’m personally interested in trying out. Ever. I don’t care how good the drugs are.

In an effort to ensure this is not a part of my future, my doctor and I decided it would be smart to check and  see if I have . It’s a sleep disorder where you stop breathing during sleep.  I have many of the indicators including a spouse whose sleep is regularly disturbed by my tossing, turning and my snoring. Which early in our relationship (say around years 2-7) he suggested could be “life threatening”. I think it was life threatening because it pissed him off  so much he might just smother me for a good night’s sleep. But I digress.

So, Sunday night, in I trundle to St. Mikes, where they wire me up like a Christmas tree.

They wired up my legs to test for restless leg syndrome, my finger to test for oxygen  absorption, my jaw to test for teeth grinding, my head for eye movement, brain waves and “dreaming.”
Lex Wired For Sleep

The technician took a moment to tell me while they could tell that I was dreaming, they couldn’t tell what I was dreaming.
“Seriously? People actually think you might be peeping in on their dreams?”
“Yes, that’s why we tell you now we can’t see your dreams, so you don’t ask me what you were dreaming about.”

Then they strapped me up with two very attractive belts which looked like overstretched, overused tensor bandages.  One around my tummy and one around my chest. And oh, boy did I look sexy then.  Of course, that’s when Gerry hauled out the camera and offered to document the session.   Though to be fair, while I was being wired up and strapped down, Gerry also hid little love notes in my book, my boots and in my pillow.

Once Gerry stopped teasing me for being “so wired, how will you sleep?” and headed on  home, I got plugged in and crashed myself.

Other than being woken up regularly to readjust cabling (which my friend Kelo suggests is  a regular part of this testing not really to “readjust” anything), it wasn’t that bad.

I was woken up by a loud neighbour around 6am, and out by 6:30.  With goo still in my hair I vetoed the S*bucks, jumped on my bike and came home to sleep.

It’ll take until February to know if I’m apneatic or not. But for all you couch surfers out there, don’t forget the earplugs, I snore. Just probably not to the beat.

Alexa Clark

Alexa is a digital marketer and author with over 20 years in digital & interactive communications in the food and tech industries. Alexa's CheapEats Restaurant Guides, for both Toronto & Ottawa, were Canadian best sellers. She is a recognized authority on social media and has been named one of Canada's 20 Leading Women in Social Media.

5 thoughts on “We Ain’t Got Rhythm

  • November 30, 2007 at 11:48 pm

    hee hee! Too wired to sleep. That’s hilarious 🙂

    Seriously though – you biked home in November at 6:30am? How many layers were you wearing?! I’m lucky I can get out the door when it drops below zero – let alone feel the wind whipping my face as I bike along before sunrise. You’re nuts.

    But I guess I knew that already. Did they wire you up to test for that though? just to be sure?

  • December 1, 2007 at 7:53 am

    Three months to get results?  It doesn’t sound like this is some life-threatening situation, but still.  Makes me wonder what in the world do they have to do with this data in order to analyze it?

    Oh, and love notes, how sweet.  🙂

  • December 2, 2007 at 4:00 pm
    Ron & Melvin – he’s a funny man, my man.

    re: biking in November – let’s not forget I live in Toronto not Ottawa. I was biking home, not out. Oh, and I’m well insulated.

    Cath -  yah, 3 months is
    a long time but it’s a test on the off chance I have sleep apnea on the
    off chance it might cause future difficulties with my heart… so, very
    not urgent.

    yes, I have a sweet & loving man.

  • December 24, 2007 at 12:10 pm

    Hi Lexa


    I am a member of the apnea club, been one for about 10 years.If you become a member I’ll teach you the secret handshake

  • December 24, 2007 at 4:17 pm

    You’d better teach it to mom!  She’s on the breathing machine and everything!


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