True Friendship — None of that Sissy Crap

This was in my inbox when I got back to the office this afternoon.  I have no idea where it originated, but I think it is brilliant. So rather than forward it along, which I STRONGLY disapprove of, I will post it on my blog, which is slightly less annoying.  But only slightly.

True Friendship  —   None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy ‘friendship’ poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cute little smiley faces on this card, just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

When you are sad —  I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile — I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

When you are scared — I will rag you about it every chance I get until you’re NOT. (Though I would actually say “… until you are so pissed off that you aren’t scared anymore”)

When you are worried — I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

When you are confused — I will try to use only little words.

When you are sick —  Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.  I don’t want whatever you have. (my friend added “if you are sick because of #1. (Being drunk). – I will hold your head up over the toilet, but I’m not cleaning any of it up.”)

When you fall — I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I’ll help you up.

This is my oath…. I pledge it to the end. ‘Why?’ you may ask;  because you are my friend.

It’s almost as if I wrote it myself, and it makes you wonder why I have any friends at all.